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The Franklin News-Post
P. O. Box 250
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Rocky Mount, Virginia 24151
540-483-5113
Fax: 540-483-8013

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Rules of a man cave
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Friday, January 4, 2013

By CHARLES BOOTHE -

If there is one thing that has become crystal clear in life it is this: Every man needs a man cave.

Whether it's in the basement, the garage, the attic, a treehouse or a doghouse, in most cases it is a necessity to preserve sanity, not to mention a marriage.

Oh, there may be situations where a husband and wife are so much alike and have so many interests in common that they can share space all of the time without the slightest hint of unpleasantness. But those cases are most likely very rare and would probably be listed in some book of world records.

The bottom line is, men and women are, and should be, different, however much those differences can sometimes irritate both genders.

The irritations can be held at a minimum, though, with a man cave.

Since I recently created a man cave in the basement, I received a very valuable Christmas present from co-workers Anita and Robin.

It was a simple gift in form, but profound in meaning.

The gift was a sign that is nailed, yes nailed (nothing is "hung" in a man cave), to the wall that states the man cave rules.

Rule #1: My cave, my rules.

Rule #2: Man decorates man cave. No pictures of flowers. No candle holders. Only things like Dale Earnhardt posters or Tim Tebow Fatheads.

Rule #3: Sports or action flicks on TV, all of the time, day and night. No "Brothers and Sisters" reruns. Ever. All chick flicks are banned.

Rule #4: Man must always control the remote. Period. End of Story.

Rule #5: No nagging at any time. No discussions of "issues."

Rule #6: Any talk of "feelings" means a lifetime ban.

Rule #7: Dogs are allowed any time, all of the time. And they can lie down where they please.

Rule #8: No wine spritzers, whatever that is. No Barry Manilow, whoever that is. No keesh, which I can't even spell.

Rule #9: The cave will be cleaned when and if man decides to do so.

Rule #10: Man is always right.

Anytime any of these rules are violated, or there is even a hint of a violation, a yellow flag will be flown and a penalty issued, usually just a finger pointing to the man cave rules as a friendly reminder.

These rules may vary from man cave to man cave.

Some guys may like photos of flowers hanging on the wall. Go figure.

Some guys may prefer cats.

But the point is simply that the man in the man cave should set the rules, just in that space.

Is that asking for too much?

Now, I have heard suggestions that a woman should have a woman cave, but that just isn't necessary.

After all, she already sets the rules in the rest of the house, which is the main reason a man needs a cave in the first place.

Guys, I'm telling you. If you don't have a man cave already, you need to create one.

You will have a place of comfort, of solace and freedom. You can be yourself and not feel ashamed or scared or be belittled in any way because you love to hear the clash of helmets, the roar of engines, the crack of bat on ball and the swoosh through the net.

It will be your sanctuary, your haven, your place of peace.

You can be what you were meant to be: a man.

Besides, as we all know, Neanderthals lived in caves.

And let's face it, guys. At our simplistic core, we will always be cavemen.

 
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